In a very short period of time, I came across the idea of "returning home" twice. In a figurative sense, the idea in both cases or both of my spontaneous sources meant a return to integrity, a return to self.
Today, perhaps more than before, it is easy to lose self-confidence, regardless of what we do. Creative industries (in my opinion) carry an extra dose of disintegration, so for everything (for myself!) I am motivated to leave a mark on it.
My first source of the idea of returning home was the moment when one of the main characters in the book “Mr. Gwin" (Alessandro Baricco) asked to have his portrait made in written form. It was a skill that the main character (Mr. Gwin) developed and which, among other things, is discussed in the book. Tom (the mentioned hero who asked for his portrait to be made) understood that the portrait was still something like "coming home". The very act of making a portrait implied a kind of solitude, in a chosen environment, with special, hand-made lighting and composed music. The person being portrayed would "purify" himself, with an introspective look, he would discard all the masks he had acquired over time.
The idea of "returning home", for the second time, I found in the book "We are woven from sleep" by Mladen D. Markovic. At the very beginning of the book, it is stated that if we manage to direct the flow of our thoughts, we will notice that there is "empty space" between them. If we manage to stay on it (on that empty pause in the flow of our thoughts) we will feel that we are immersed in an ocean where eternal peace reigns. We will feel as if we are "at home". On the surface of the ocean there is a constant ripple, but in the depths there is peace and harmony.
A special challenge is precisely that one detail, peace and harmony, especially when circumstances are turbulent from the outside and when they don't allow us to think, (to dive in!), evaluate and finally lower our guard.
For months I have been thinking about "returning home" and the associations that this thought, phrase, produces in me. I had a turbulent enough past, so I know from my own experience what it's like to lose a physical home or, more simply, a roof over your head. It was in the year when I was supposed to graduate, 2008, when some lingering wave of the world economic crisis flooded the family business that we had built almost 10 years before that moment. We lost our family apartment, business premises, our own lives, ourselves and found ourselves on the street. This is why, I suppose, I see the idea of returning home as inseparable from physical return, Odyssean wanderings and returning somewhere from where I started.
However, returning to ourselves, to the essence of who we are, seems more complicated. First we have to understand who we are. I'll try to simplify this - in a series of situations I've been through, I've realised that we're not here just to survive. I use this text as a personal mantra and a letter to the near future in order to fully enlighten myself.
Home or at home in us can refer to many things. It can be fulfillment, peace, freedom and happiness. When we provide, do, give and share, listen, feel and empathise.
The return home has already begun if we realised (like me!) that certain bad, adopted habits and reactions are bothering us and are blocking our way home. It is especially interesting that when we rebuild ourselves, establish (new) foundations of our integrity and remind ourselves of who we are, we realise that we are already here, that our home is already there and that it has been waiting for us with open arms or wings (paws!) all along. At least that's how it is with me. Thanks to Tihana and Bjanka.
U veoma kratkom periodu, dva puta sam naišao na ideju o “povratku kući”. U prenesenom smislu ideja je u oba slučaja ili oba moja spontana izvora značila povratak integritetu, povratak samome sebi.
Danas je, možda više nego ranije, lako izgubiti samopouzdanje, neovisno o tome čime se bavimo. Kreativne industrije (po meni) nose dodatnu dozu dezintegracije pa sam zbog svega (zbog sebe!) motivisan da ostavim trag o tome.
Moj prvi izvor ideje o povratku kući bio je trenutak kada je jedan od glavnih junaka u knjizi “Mr. Gwin” (Alessandro Baricco) zatražio da mu se izradi portret u pisanoj formi. Bila je to vještina koju je glavni junak (Mr. Gwin) razvio i o kojoj se, između ostalog i govori u djelu. Tom (spomenuti junak koji je zatražio da mu se izradi portret) shvatio je da je portret u konačnici nešto poput “vraćanja, povratka kući”. Sam čin izrade portreta podrazumijevao je neku vrstu osame portretisanog, u biranom ambijentu, posebnom, ručno izrađenom osvjetljenju i komponovanoj muzici. Portretisani bi se “pročišćavao”, zagledan u sebe odlagao bi i odbacivao sve vremenom stečene maske sa sebe.
Drugi put istu misao o “povratku kući” pronašao sam u knjizi “Satkani smo od sna” doktora Mladena D. Markovića. Na samom početku knjige stoji da, ukoliko uspijemo da usmjerimo tok naših misli, zapazićemo da između njih postoji “prazan prostor” i ukoliko uspijemo da se zadržimo na njemu (toj praznoj pauzi toka naših misli) osjetićemo da kao da smo uronili u okean u kojem vlada vječiti mir. Osjetićemo se kao da smo “kod kuće”. Na površini okeana je stalno talasanje, ali u dubini je mir i sklad.
Poseban izazov predstavlja upravo taj jedan detalj, mir i sklad, naročito kada su okolnosti spolja uzburkane i kada nam ne dopuštaju da razmislimo, (da zaronimo!), procijenimo i napokon spustimo gard.
Mjesecima sam razmišljao o “povratku kući” i asocijacijama koje ta misao, sintagma, proizvodi u meni. Imao sam dovoljno burnu prošlost pa iz vlastitog iskustva znam kako je to izgubiti fizički dom ili uprošćenije, krov nad glavom. Bilo je to u godini kada sam trebao da diplomiram, 2008, kada je neki zaostali talas svjetske ekonomske krize poplavio i porodični biznis koji sam sa roditeljima gradio gotovo 10 godina prije tog trenutka. Izgubili smo porodični stan, poslovne prostore, vlastite živote, sebe same i našli se na ulici. Zbog toga, pretpostavljam, ideju o povratku kući posmatram neodvojivo i od fizičkog vraćanja, odisejskog lutanja i povratka negdje odakle sam i krenuo.
Međutim, povratak nama samima, esenciji onoga što jesmo, čini se komplikovanijim. Prvo moramo da shvatio ko smo. Pokušaću ovo uprostiti - u nizu situacija koje sam prošao shvatio sam da nismo tu da bismo samo preživjeli i preživljavali. Kao ličnu mantru i pismo u skoru budućnost ovaj tekst i koristim kako bih to i sebi u potpunosti rasvijetlio.
Kod kuće u nama može da bude mnogo toga. Može da bude ispunjenost, mir, sloboda i sreća. Kada pružamo, činimo, dajemo i dijelimo, slušamo, osjećamo i saosjećamo.
Povratak kući već je započeo ako smo shvatili (kao ja!) da nam određene loše, usvojene navike i reakcije smetaju i da stoje kao blokada našem putu ka kući. Naročito zanimljiva je činjenica i spoznaja da kada se ponovno izgradimo, uspostavimo (nove) temelje svog integriteta i podsjetimo se ko smo, shvatimo da smo već tu, da je i naš dom već tu i da nas je raširenih ruku ili krila (šapa!) sve vrijeme čekao. Tako je makar sa mnom. Zahvaljujući Tihani i Bjanki.
